I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
