He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
