I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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