I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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