Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
