Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
