I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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