Barsexuality is the new black.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
