my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
