It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
