Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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