help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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