yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize