That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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