I should be sponsored by Trojan
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
