I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
