I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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