my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
