We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
