My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
