So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
