I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
