If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
