Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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