remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
