you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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