I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
