well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
