Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
