I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
