Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
