Well apparently he's into motor boating.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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