Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
