I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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