my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize