Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
