i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
