I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
