there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
