Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
