you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
