the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
