Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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