nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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