And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
