I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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