when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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