that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
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woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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