Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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