I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
