it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
