Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is the high leading the old right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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