Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
