Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
