i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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