I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
