just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
