So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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