i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
