I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
