please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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