Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
