i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
