It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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