I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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