i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
