Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
