Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
