hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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