Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
