Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Randomize
