Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
