Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
