Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
