booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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