hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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