I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
