i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
