If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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