i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
