So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
