Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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