Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
