Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
