just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
